[typography font=”Cantarell” size=”20″ size_format=”px”]Because a Robot T-Rex is way cooler than boobs we are done.  Breastfeeding is done.[/typography]

robot-t-rex

We lasted 2 years, 11 months, and 21 days.  The end came so fast that I didn’t see it even though I started the ball rolling.  And I swear on my life that I never intended to “bribe” my son into weaning but that is kind of how it happened, as the story will tell.

[hr]

Our very last nursing session was on the couch this morning.  I usually say no when he requests to nurse outside of naps or before bed but today I said yes after he held up his finger and said “1 minute?!” in his sweet voice.  It wasn’t anything special, in fact I recall him being on the iPad and it was just that, one minute from each side.  He was sitting to my left then he crawled over me to get to my right side.  At first, when I thought back on it I was sad that this was our last session, iPad and all, but it was fitting.

 

When it was time for him to nap I had him lay down and to my surprise, I told him that we would not be having milk-milk anymore.  I still don’t know exactly what made today the day.  The “let’s let him wean himself” thing hasn’t been happening at all so I knew at some point it would be on me to end things.

[hr]

“Everett, you are a big boy.  You can lay here in your brother’s bed and take your nap.  Then we will pick him up from school.”

“Big boy, me,  Everett!  Milk-milk?”

“Have you ever noticed that big brother never has any milkies?  It’s because he is a big boy and he doesn’t need it anymore.  You are a big boy now too.  You can walk, talk, use the potty, and you can sleep in a big boy bed.  You don’t need milk anymore like you did when you were a baby.”

“Me a baby.”

“No, you’re a big boy, you just said so yourself.  Let’s try going to bed without milkies today, and tonight… and see if we can just cuddle.”  He didn’t seem thrilled with the idea… so I surprised myself even more with the next line.  “If we can stop drinking milkies then maybe you can pick out a special treat.”

[typography font=”Cantarell” size=”20″ size_format=”px”]”ROBOT T-REX!”[/typography] he shouted confidently.  

 

After his declaration he immediately laid his head on the pillow and didn’t ask again.  He actually didn’t end up napping and came out to play but that has no bearing on the story, just my life, because I really wanted a break.

 

Tonight when it was bedtime I didn’t expect it to work and half hoped it didn’t.  I tucked him in after reading his favorite Zombie book and he asked for milk-milk.

“1 minute?!” as he held up his little finger…

“No… no minutes.  Remember?  You’re a big boy now and big boys don’t need milkies anymore.”

“Buy ROBOT T-REX?”

sigh  “Yes.  Let’s go two days with no milkies.  If we do, let’s go to the store and find one.  Now close your eyes and go to sleep.  Can we cuddle?”

“No…”

Then he laid right down for bed and didn’t protest as I got up and walked away even though, secretly,  I was hoping he would put up more of a fight.

[hr]

I stayed standing at the crack in the door.  I’m working my way back to just tucking him in and saying goodnight after several miserable weeks of him protesting me leaving his side.  So instead, I compromised and now stand there so that he can see I’m there.  We talk through the crack if need be.  It isn’t ideal but better than before when his night-time tantrums and fighting bedtime antics reminded me of those scenes from Supernanny.

[typography font=”Cantarell” size=”20″ size_format=”px”]Then it hit me like a freight train.  We. Are. Done.  [/typography]

 

The hot tears sprang up and I held in my crying because he was not yet asleep.  His eyelids were halfway open and he was almost there.  As soon as they closed, just one minute later, I let it out.  I ran to my husband and hugged him.  He knew too.  I wanted to take it back.  I’m not ready.  This is my last baby and suddenly, I’m done.  No more breastfeeding and no more babies.  I’m in a new stage of motherhood and life.  One full of homework, T-ball practice, and fart jokes.

I’ll get past the sadness soon and see the positives- the freedom that lies ahead as my children grow older.  The hope that one miraculous day I can drop my boys off at their grandparents’ house and take a small vacation with my husband.  And I will sleep for days… I don’t care where we go as long as the bed is comfortable.

Tonight?  Sucks.  I hate it.  I’m mad at myself for even starting this and proud of myself too.  The timing is right with a trip to see family next week and then I’m off to Vegas next month for work.  Everett was ready too, or else it wouldn’t have been so darn easy.

[typography font=”Cantarell” size=”20″ size_format=”px”]Either that or he really, really, really wants that Robot T-Rex.  [/typography]

25 Responses

  1. This is so bittersweet for me. My daughter is 28 months right now and I think about weaning a lot. I don’t know when it’s going to happen, but it might have to happen sooner than later because of my health issues. I hope when the time comes it’s not hard. Thanks for sharing this story!

  2. You are a rock star! I remember crying off and on for a week when I switched my son to formula at 6 months. Not being able to nurse him to bed at night was the worst. Even though I still got to rock him, I missed the closeness that nursing provides.

  3. What a beautiful journey you have been able to take. I envy you in your ability to nurse so long or even at all, I suffer from extreme low milk supply and could not nurse my children exclusively and both refused after a while, making it 4 weeks with one and 4 months for the other. All tho I have yet to be successful if I have more children I’ll try again. There’s something about nursing your baby, or toddler that’s so special. Im still sad about stopping so I can’t imagine going as long as you have. You’re doing much better than I would be. I also can appreciate and understand the emotions. All a part of motherhood.. You got this girly. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story and breastfeeding journey with us

  4. You’re getting tears out of me. It will happen here too, maybe next year, or the year after. My boy is walking now, will turn 1 in 2 weeks.

  5. It’s so crazy how fast time flies. I was nursing my 9 month old tonight and remembering what it was like to nurse him quietly and easily as a newborn (whereas now he likes to play with my nose and mouth). It’s such a wonderful experience! Thanks for sharing your story!

  6. So bittersweet. Beautifully written as always, Kim. For better or worse we are just a few months behind you guys, though I hope to have another squish to journey with next year.

  7. Oh gosh. Here I am I’m tears nursing my 8 month old back to sleep. I can’t even imagine a life without breastfeeding! Thank you for sharing. And I truly hope tomorrow is a better night. 🙂

  8. My short stuff is 2 yrs 2 months and I’ve started limiting him to “nugh-night Milk Milks” so he is day weaned. I am so ready to wean, until I really think about it… and then maybe we can go just a little longer! Its bittersweet. I don’t know what i’ll do when he is fully weaned… oh gosh I’m glad others have gone before me.

  9. I’m reading your story and shed a couple of tears. I feel guilty for thinking that maybe it’s time for my 6mo to try and sleep without nursing. I actually am not sure when its a good time or not, if I should or shouldn’t. Last night was one of those days, she wanted me all day. It was a long day for me and I think I got scared that it would be like this forever, but after hearing her cry in my husbands arms and looking for ME, I couldn’t do it, she stopped crying the minute I took her and she fell asleep within 10 minutes of nursing. Secretly also I did not want to stop. She even let go on her own (sometimes I have to fight to get my boobie back!)
    You and some comments just answered my question.
    She’s still a baby! Who am I kidding and why am I rushing while deep inside I don’t want to stop? Thank you for sharing your story 🙂

  10. I am in tears for you. I really didn’t like breastfeeding in the beginning, but now I can’t imagine the day we are done. I started with a goal of 1 year and my daughter is 9 months now and I hope to be nursing her for much longer. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

  11. I am totally with you. My youngest (and last) is 30 months and we’re just nursing now before naps or bedtime. Been doing that since this time last year when her older sister started pre-k and I had to switch up my morning routine to take her to school. Periodically, I ask if she just wants to have a book and bed, (instead of book, then nursies, then bed), but she always wants the nursies. “Nuhsies, Mommy.” We switch sides and she looks at me in the dark, half asleep and says, “More please, Mommy,” or “S’yummy.” She can get to sleep without it at daycare or if I’m not home in the evening but it’s just easier for her with it. I’m half done, half not. I sit there with her in my arms and look at her closed eyelashes. I wonder how much longer she’s going to fit in my lap on the boppy. I wonder when I’ll get to just put her to bed without the hassle of nursing and get downstairs earlier for 30 more minutes with my husband before I pass out. Then I remember only nursing for 5.5 months with my oldest and missing that closeness. She’s not going to do this forever and the right time for both of us is probably fast approaching and it’s definitely going to be bittersweet.

  12. At least you got this experience with your babies. I have had failed nursing attempts with both of my two children. I cried while reading this b/c I do not know this relationship with my children and I wanted it so badly. With my son we never really nursed b/c of a bad latch and weak suck and instead I went right to pumping. I didn’t really have a preference with breastfeeding with him so I was happy i provided him with ten weeks of breastmilk from bottle. With my daughter I was determined to breastfeed. Due to a medical problem that runs in my family (raynauds phenomenon) that I had no clue could effect nursing, I went thru 3 weeks of nursing, crying and the most horrendous pain. Combined with over active let down and a baby that tucked in her bottom lip, I was a mess. The lactation consultant I saw just told me everything looked great and I was just a little pink. The pain took over and I stopped nursing after 3 weeks. Three weeks after that I finally found out what had caused me all that pain and at that point my milk was dried up. I wish I could have had a special breastfeeding experience with my children like you had. I am hoping with number three (if we are blessed with a 3rd) i can make breastfeeding work. Armed with information, and this time around a good support system (i have already been prepping close friends and family to not let me give up) I am hoping i can have a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with our probably last baby like the ones I read about all the time online. It breaks my heart that i didn’t get to have it with my first two. So many time I sit and wish I could turn back time!

    1. Reading about your lovely breastfeeding experience makes me want that so bad. It is beautiful and you will always cherish those memories I bet!

  13. Thanks for sharing. I really don’t enjoy breastfeeding that much, but since tears came while reading this, I realized how thankful I am that I have this amazing bond with both my boys. I nursed my now 2.5 year old for 12 months and was so happy to be done. My 7.5 month old is going strong, and because he is my last, I have a feeling I am going to be much more sad to see it go this time. Crying with you today. 🙂

  14. This actually made me cry, way to stay strong mama. My DS self weened at 12 months, two weeks due, I believe to me getting pregnant. I didn’t see our last nursing coming which may have been for the best. Hugs!

  15. Aw! I know how you’re feeling about being sad about stopping nursing. I’m working on weaning my two and a half year old. She still wants to nurse at nap and bed time. But I feel like I’m ready, and besides, her little brother needs the milk more than she does!

  16. I was shocked to hear you mention weaning yesterday, it seemed like Everett would hold on to his milkies forever. I am so not ready to wean my 23 month old, but luckily he isn’t slowing down at all. I want to say thank you for sharing your breastfeeding journey. It was truly inspirational in my breastfeeding past a year. That Robot T Rex is pretty awesome though. My husband might even choose that over boobs.

  17. I just want to give you big big hugs! And then nurse my baby because no matter how annoying it may be at times right now with his toddler antics at 16 months, I’m still in no way ready to wean. He’s so attached to it, that I’m sure I’ll have to take steps to wean him one day. Whenever that will be.

  18. Love this post. My son just today decided a toy car was better then “mommy milk”.

    Day 5 of giveaway.

  19. Wow – what a great and honestly candid post! I really appreciated it because I’m in the process of weaning our first baby. She’s 21 months and I was experiencing some sad emotions on the whole deal. We are still nursing but just 1 x a day and she still asks 1-2 more times a day but we just say it’s all gone until morning and that it’s for the next baby. Such a sweet experience and so hard to make the ‘stop’ after so long. Blessings to you.

    1. Were you able to wean your baby? Mine is almost 22 months old. I am ready, I just don’t know is she is, and I don’t have the heart to take that away from her if she is not. Any advice?

      1. Yes he weaned when I wrote this and it was fairly easy but he was also almost 3 years old. I was able to reason with him and talk him through why, which worked for us.

  20. This is such a bittersweet story! I weaned my son after we were in a car accident and I broke my pelvis and was in the hospital. I think he was ready though – he transitioned very well. He was 2 years 3 mos old then.

  21. What a great story! Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what it would be like to end such a wonderful part of your relationship with your child.

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