siblingcosleepingI may have lied in the title.  As far as I know sibling bed sharing isn’t a trend.  It is however trending in the Rosas household and I’m getting excited about what this new bedtime tactic has afforded us: drama free bed time!

It all started last week.  My youngest son Everett decided that he no longer wanted to sleep in his own bed.  He got out of bed one night to find me and explained in his own way that he was afraid of the dark and of monsters.  It went something like this: “Rawr Rawr” he said as he pointed to a pirate ship coat hook on his wall and shook as if afraid.  Toddler charades are so fun, right?  Next he took off towards my room and pointed to tell me he wanted to sleep in my room with us.  I told him no.  We worked very hard to end his dependency on nursing and laying with me to go to sleep so I wasn’t about to back track.  I’m still working on night weaning him and having him sleep through the night…

Then it hit me!  What if he slept in the room with his brother for the night?  I had tried to have them sleep together before hoping Ev would learn to fall asleep on his own that way but it never worked.  This time Ev has learned to fall asleep independent of me so I thought it would be worth a shot.  Fletcher’s room lacked th “spooky” pirate ship also.

  “Everett, would you like to sleep with your brother in his room?”

  “YEAH!” he yelled excitedly and scurried off to his room.  

I directed him to be quiet and we snuck into the room, then I picked him up and put him in his brother’s twin sized bed.  Fletcher had already fallen asleep like the angel he is.  At first I thought I would get away with sneaking another person into his bed but Everett started talking to his brother.  I love the look on a child’s face when they wake from a deep sleep.  It is like they have no earthly idea where they are; they are so wide eyed and dreamy.  I’m sure he was dreaming about Transformers and saving the world from Decepticons.  I explained that his brother was afraid of the dark and thought he saw a monster in his room so he would like to sleep with his big brother.

“Your job is to keep him safe and in bed.” I told him.  He was more than up to the task.  I felt pretty good about my decision and left the two boys, wide awake, in bed together.

I didn’t have a monitor in Fletcher’s room and really wanted to know what was being said.  I overheard Fletcher tell his little brother that there was no such thing as monsters but that was it.  I walked away and held my breath.  

I continued to hear talking for a few minutes and then it was silent.  I marched in with my camera because of course… I had to get photographic evidence.  There were my boys sound asleep in the tiny twin bed.  It had worked!

Each night since then I have let the boys sleep together except I switched their rooms.  Everett isn’t afraid of his room as long as Fletcher or someone is with him.  Everett has a queen size bed so it makes more sense to have them share a bed there.  I’m pretty amazed at how well this is working.  Both boys really enjoy sharing a bed as far as I can tell.  When asked if he would rather sleep alone in his bed or room in with his brother Fletcher always wants to sleep with Everett.

The other bonus to them sleeping in Everett’s room is that I have a video monitor in there.  Last night Everett put up a fight because he was overtired.  It took a while for him to stop crying after I stopped nursing him.  He knew I would leave and he didn’t like the idea.  Fletcher meanwhile left the bed to get a late night snack.  When Everett calmed I left him, alone, just to see how it went.  No crying.  Fletcher went back to the room, Everett’s room, on his own accord and crawled in bed.  I just sat back and listened.

After about ten minutes of chatting about Transformers, monsters, and some wrestling I intervened.  I used the two-way function on the monitor. “Boys, it is time to go to sleep.  Put your heads on the pillow and go to bed.  Love you!”  Fletcher replied “How many minutes until you come in here?  10 minutes?  100 minutes?  2,500 minutes?  When?”  “No minutes… you can go to sleep now.  I’ll see you both in the morning.”  I heard Fletcher tell me goodnight and instruct his brother to go to sleep.  Then silence.

Some of you might be thinking that I am passing my parenting duties on to Fletcher.  To this I reply- Hell yeah I am!  I’ve been in charge of getting Everett to sleep by bouncing, rocking, nursing, patting, shhhing, singing, for over 2 years.  With the rare exception when his father was able to get him to bed it has been me.  Sometimes for over an hour each night.  When he started refusing to go to bed my first thought was “Oh crap.  I’m not ready to do this anymore.  I’m done.”  It was a fluke that the brother thing panned out.  I’ll be honest and say I have no other intentions with this bed sharing thing other than making my life easier.  I’m not all “I want my kids to sleep together because it will make them have a closer bond.” or whatever.  I was in survival mode.

I have no grand design in mind.  Will this be happening next week?  Next month?  In a year?  I know that I used to sleep in the bed with my sister (and yes, we cuddled) for what is probably an embarrassingly long amount of time.  Especially for my older sister!  She would help me to the bathroom when I was terrified of the dark in the middle of the night.  She took on a parenting role overnight and I relied on her for comfort, warmth, and as a level headed older sibling when I was afraid to put my feet on the ground next to the bed in the dark for fear of a monster grabbing them.  I can remember many nights of waking from a nightmare and having her calm me down.  I know firsthand how comforting having an older sibling to sleep with can be.  Lucky for me my Fletcher is an outstanding big brother (who can sleep through anything, including Everett crying multiple times a night) and enjoys looking after his little brother.  For now.

25 Responses

  1. My brother and I shared a bed until my other brother was big enough to sleep in a twin bed and then they shared and I got my own bed. We didn’t sleep next to each other. We slept with a head on each end.
    I would like my girls to share a bed. They would both benefit from it. My 18mo would sleep better because she had someone there to cuddle. My 4 year old would benefit because she wants that cuddling, bonding, mothering time with her sister. She tells me how she just wants her baby sister to cuddle her. But my youngest is to squirmy and playful to actually fall asleep with her sister so it won’t happen until they’re older.

    1. When I was 14 years old and my older sister was 18 years old our house burned down and we had to move to a smaller house. We were short on money so we had to share a bed and bedroom. The house had 1 bathroom which had a tub and shower. There was no lock on the door. We had to leave the door unlocked in case you were bathing and some one needed to use the john.
      Nudity was normal in our house and my mom and sister walked around the house in various states of nudity from time to time. My sister was just starting the pill and she was happy that her breasts grew large enough to bounce. She was so happy she and my mom woke me up one morning when she was still wearing her Baby doll night gown which was see through. Mom told my sister to show me the good news. My sister pulled up her baby doll exposing her breasts and put it over my head so i was inches from her large puffy nipples. She then bounced them for me. She was so proud of her cone shaped tits and that they could bounce. My mom stated she was on the pill now so my friends could cum inside her now instead of pulling out or having her finish them orally.
      Sex was a normal part of life in our household.
      My sister caught me masterbating almost daily. She would enter the bedroom or bathroom and kindly say “Ooopps!” then ask Do you want some privacy? I would always say “No that’s OK I like it better when you watch.” She would laugh and watch me until I finished always complimenting me on the size of my penis and the amount of cum. This gave me great confidence. My mom would watch me too. Has anybody else had this close type of relationship with their Mother or sister? It seems normal to me.

  2. I shared a queen bed with my sisters (one older, one younger) until we were quite old. It made me feel safer, knowing someone bigger and stronger was there to fight off the monsters! If it works, it works! Big kids can be very helpful when it comes to calming little sibling’s fears! 🙂

  3. My youngest sister didn’t sleep through the night until she was well past three years old. She would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and nothing could stop her from running to my parents’ room so my mom would nurse her. Finally one of my sisters started sleeping with her and when she would wake up in the middle of the night she held her tight against her chest so she would feel safe and wouldn’t let her go to my mom. It worked and she started sleeping through the night.

  4. Due to space we had to move my son into my daughters room & made his bed under her’s (she has a lofted bed) once he out crew the crib. When this happened he instantly started to go to sleep better on his own. Now, that she is learning to read, at bed time they cuddle up and she loves to read to him and share her new found skill. 🙂

    They have always shared a close bond, but I have really seen it increase since this move several months ago. I love finding them cuddled together on the weekends when I know they have stayed up late reading with each other and books are piled at their feet.

  5. My 5 and 8 year old share a room (bunk beds, not the same bed). They are a breeze to put to bed UNLESS it’s youth group night and the 8 year old is still out at bed time. Then suddenly there are monsters and the dark is scary. I never would have known the 5 year old had these anxieties if it weren’t for youth group!

  6. Every time I do something to make my life easier, I get some friend telling me there’s an “article” saying that this is the new “trend” and that it “benefits” the baby(ies) in this or other way.I’m glad it’s working so great (and hope my boys in the near future take care of one another too).

  7. 🙂 i loved this! my boys are 20 months apart (almost 3yo and just over 1yo) and I can’t imagine doing that at this point ~ what with all of the fighting and non-sharing. But i so look forward to the day when their bond is as strong as your two sons. Thank you for sharing ~ gives me hope! 🙂

  8. I have two boys 23 months apart, and when Little P is old enough I hope to have them share a bed at first. Especially if we are still in this little two bedroom house. There are already 2 toddler beds in the kids room, one for their sister (almost 5) and one for M. There is not room for another bed in there, and Sis will be too big for the toddler bed pretty soon. I think we will get a bunk bed at that point, and put her on top and have the boys share the bottom.

  9. I have two boys, 4 years old and 6 months old and my oldest is already asking me when his little brother can come sleep in his room! My oldest wants company too!!

  10. So is it bad I’ve been hoping my kids do this since before the second one was born? My first DOES. NOT. WANT. TO. SLEEP. ALONE. I’m hoping when the baby is older I can let them sleep together & get my sleeping space back. So far I can’t even bed share with the baby because my older one will inevitably come lumbering into our bed at some point in the middle of the night & I’m afraid she’ll lay down on top of him because she’ll still be mostly asleep.

  11. I have a 2 yo boy and a 5 month old girl. My boy gets up on rare occasion at night but easily goes back to sleep in his own bed. If its after 6 am we usually let him stay in bed with us. I only co slept with him for a few months after he was born. Now with my daughter, we are still co sleeping and I don’t anticipate putting her in her own room any time soon. But I’ve already thought about co sleeping the kids when she’s older, if she has problems sleeping on her own! I have a younger sister and we had bunk beds. Though we weren’t sleeping together, I have good memories of telling her not to be scared, etc.

  12. I have noticed our kids who co-slept for over a year, want to sleep with someone. My 10 yr old is sleeping with my 3 year old. and it was the only way I could get her out of our bed. we just tried to move our (almost) 2 yr old up there with another sister, but that sister slept to hard, and so I tried with the sisters who already were sleeping together (they have a big bed) but nothing worked, back with mama and daddy. However we will try again. I see nothing wrong with it. I do feel guilty on nights where I wake up and it 4am and my 10 yr old is up watching cartoons with my 3yr old. I have offered fo rher to go back to bed but she seriously seems to enjoy this mommy role she has taken. Thankfully we homeschool and she can sleep in wink wink. But again, it is much easier and just fine in our eyes, well mine. it bothered my husband at first. he said it made him feel poor, but he got over that when our 3 yr old was sleeping in her bed.

    1. Interesting that he thought about poverty. I can see it since poorer families would all sleep in one bed, or all the children in one bed for warmth and because there weren’t more beds/rooms.

  13. My kids have the same beds 🙂

    My boys don’t sleep in the same bed, but they do share a room, and this is one of the reasons. Neither one of them particularly likes being alone. And as curious as it is, my 10 year old is somehow comforted by the presence of his 6 year old brother. So who am I to argue? The only thing that probably gets them stay in bed at night is the presence of the other one. So I’m just going with it until it doesn’t work anymore.

  14. I shared a room with my sister till I was 15 and she was 17. I liked the comfort of having someone to sleep with. Even though we had our own beds many times we’d snuggle up in the same bed.

    My kiddos started off in separate rooms but we moved to a smaller place when they were 7 and 2. They began sharing a room and our family grew. We moved to a bigger place but by that time they didn’t want to be apart anymore.

    My oldest can be pretty difficult and would sometimes kick her younger sister out of her room but then my oldest was very prone to nightmares. She even had a brief period of night terrors so staying in separate rooms never lasted for more than a week or two.

    We now have 5 children. The oldest two sleep in their room, the 9 and 5 year olds sleep in theirs and the baby sleeps with me in the family room. (Long story) Hubby either sleeps by himself, on the couch in the family room with me and baby or sometimes he invites the middles to sleep with him. We tend to play musical beds around here but almost everyone is happy about it unless they are the one left out to sleep by themselves. Nothing wrong with it at all. 🙂

  15. AHH that is so cute I DIE! I had to show my husband as well, as we are currently expecting our second son and so excited for brothers.

    I personally dislike sleeping alone – OK, except for exhausted pregnant midday naps – and can definitely see the merit in this. Plus the adorbs!

  16. My almost 5 yr old and my 2 and a half yr old daughters share a double bed. It works great. My baby girl’s crib is in the same room. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs so hubby and I have the masterbedroom and then the 3 girls share one room as a bed room and the other as a playroom. I love it, they love it and hubby loves it!

  17. I have two girls, 6 and 21 months. We only have two bedrooms so the small bedroom is a playroom and we all sleep together in the other room on a queen-size and a twin-size beds pushed together so there is TONS of space for us. I co-slept my oldest up until I had my second and tried to put her in her own bed. It worked for a while but I was the one who brought her back into bed with me and the baby because I missed having her sleep with me. I like the idea of them being together in their own bed and if I ever feel the need for my own space I will definately do that 🙂

  18. My boys (we had three in 4 years) have always slept together as well. It happened first when I realized they napped together every day and slept together then so well, that why not let them do it at night too? Worked and works perfectly. They had a double bed mattresses on the floor, and as soon as a baby was big enough to stand his own then he moved from the cradle or crib mattress in our room to the sibling bed in their room.
    Now they are bigger and our school aged boy sleeps “alone” in the bottom bunk, and his two little brothers sleep in a shared twin bed next to him.
    The advantages: Easier bedtime, camaraderie, and better, deeper, longer sleep for them, and thus for me. They don’t wake each other up if one needs potty, drink, mom, whatever during the night. They find comfort, warmth and security with the group bed. I know many many generations of people slept together as siblings, probably most of our grandparents included. Children don’t necessarily want their own rooms and beds.
    Now we have a bigger house (4 bed) and people assume we did that for the boys to have their own rooms. Nope. They continue to bunk together, and we plan to continue that as long as they are comfy with it. When they are older, one of the other bedrooms will be their extra room, for homework, hobbies, etc.
    Works for us! thanks for sharing! It’s very nice to hear about other families doing the same, as sometimes I feel judged odd for doing this.

  19. My girls love sleeping together too 🙂 My daughters are 6, 4.5, and 2.5 and the middle and youngest have a bunk bed, but sleep on the bottom together every night. Before that, my middle daughter always slept with her older sister every night. They love to snuggle, and being next to someone is just a little less scary! I dont mind them coming in my bed, but i love that they feel the same love and safety with each other.

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  21. Love this, thanks for sharing. My youngest is too young to cosleep with big bro right now but I want them to eventually bed share as needed. Our 29 mo old sleeps worse than baby though so we will see how it pans out.

  22. I’m hoping my girls enjoying sleeping together when the youngest is old enough. She’s 7 months now & sleeps with me. My older daughter is 5. It’ll be so cute to see them cuddled up to each other 🙂

  23. My kids all cosleep together. I call them my puppies. They all have their own rooms but love the companionship. My oldest is 9, my middle 8, and my youngest 3.

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